Practicing Mindfulness
Anger, fear, and grief are universal emotions that have consistently impacted our lives and work, but never more so than during global challenges. Mindfulness is an accessible and effective practice to help us manage these difficult emotions in a productive way. A common misconception about mindfulness is that it's about detaching from feelings. This understanding can be a roadblock, because mindfulness can actually help us get more in touch with our feelings and overcome our tendency to bypass them. Bypassing our feelings is harmful to our own health and well-being, as well as our relationships with others. Research suggests that people who are trained to fake their feelings are much more likely to experience physical and mental health challenges.
We bypass feelings in three main ways:
Suppressing: We push down and ignore our feelings, often because we don't want to be bothered by them or don't know what to do with them. Some feelings may be harder to suppress than others, depending on our cultural upbringing and family messages.
Escaping: We try to avoid our feelings altogether by engaging in numbing activities such as watching TV, scrolling through social media, drinking, or obsessively checking news or email. In a recent workshop on mindfulness and substance abuse for working professionals from large tech firms, all participants admitted to spending significant time and effort escaping their feelings in these ways.
Acting on them: We act impulsively on our feelings without taking time to think them through. This can involve sending a reactionary email in anger, blaming someone else for our sadness or frustration, or lashing out verbally or physically. Like suppressing and escaping, impulsively acting on feelings is an attempt to avoid them.
Bypassing feelings has many downsides. When we bypass a feeling, it doesn't get resolved. Suppressed anger, for example, doesn't disappear— it just gets bottled up and can lead to aggression, passive-aggressiveness, or eroded relationships. Feelings are often signals that we need to take action. For example, anger may indicate that a boundary has been crossed, that we need to stand up for ourselves, or that we need to say no. When we allow ourselves to feel anger in a mindful way, we can make conscious choices about how to respond. One student indicated that after becoming more mindful of her anger, she finally felt ready to confront some of her friends’ problematic behaviors and assert herself more confidently.
Sadness may also indicate that we need to grieve something and let it go. One of the biggest mistakes is not creating enough space to grieve the loss of the old. Allowing ourselves, our teams, and our organizations space to grieve does not mean that the old was better—it means we're actively letting go in order to make space for something new.
Mindfulness can help us get in touch with our feelings and resolve them in a productive way. Here are three strategies for dealing with your feelings before they take a toll on your health, student life, and relationships with peers:
Feel the feeling, without judgment or control.
The first step to becoming more mindful of your emotions is to understand what you're feeling. Many of us are emotionally illiterate, and amid the stress of back-to-back school days, we often don't even know what feelings we're bringing with us to any given situation. Research has shown that simply naming your feelings (the more specific, the better) can reduce the distress caused by an experience.
Throughout the day, when you notice yourself getting frustrated, anxious, or sad, try to pause for a moment.
Focus on your breath, then try to name your experience. Now locate the feeling within your body. Most of us feel our emotions in certain parts of the body. Don't try to change the feeling or do anything with it—simply observe it. Notice the sensation. When you do this, you'll usually find that bodily sensations and feelings aren't static. You may feel your sadness as pressure in the chest at first, but as you become more attuned to it, you may then feel the sensation of a stab in the heart. Once you stop resisting the feeling and give it proper attention, it will often move and eventually dissipate.
Drop the story, not the feeling.
Our minds are constantly generating thoughts, and we quickly come up with all sorts of explanations for our feelings, many of which blame others ("I'm angry because my teacher isn't supporting my project") or justify how we feel ("I saw the look on my coach’s face and am certain she doesn't like me"). Mindfulness helps us realize that while external events may trigger our feelings, it's our interpretation of those events that actually causes them. This gives us back agency. Our stories can be endless and self-reinforcing, and engaging in them only breeds more stories. In mindfulness, we learn to gradually disengage from our belief in these stories. In fact, a large part of what we do in mindfulness is noticing that we're caught in a thought and then returning to the breath.
Dropping the story is not the same as accepting the situation.
In reality, it’s often only after someone drops their story and stops blaming that they become willing to address a situation head-on. For example, when going through transitions, we first need to allow ourselves to feel sadness, exhaustion, and anxiety—without blaming it on circumstances or others —in order to collect the courage to change direction. Dropping the story, not the feeling, allows us to approach the situation with curiosity and a willingness to learn. We can leverage the energy behind the feeling to propel us into action and move our focus from the past to the future and the possibilities it holds.
Revealing, not concealing.
Starting a meeting with mindfulness, such as a simple check-in question like "What am I feeling?", can open the door to sharing feelings with others, which can build intimacy and connection. Revealing involves sharing feelings in a reflective state, rather than in the heat of the moment. Instead of blaming the other person's behavior for our negative feelings, we share our interpretation of their behavior or situation and reveal how we created our feelings based on that interpretation.
Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment. It has its roots in ancient meditation practices, but it has been adapted for modern contexts. To be mindful is to be fully aware of your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations without getting caught up in them. For example, when you're taking a walk, you can be mindful by focusing on the sensations of your feet on the ground, the feeling of the breeze on your skin, and the sights and sounds around you. You can also be mindful of your thoughts and feelings, but without judgment. If your mind wanders, simply and gently bring your attention back to the present moment.
Mindfulness can be practiced anywhere and at any time.
Daily mindfulness practices have many benefits for both mental and physical health. Some of the most well-known benefits include:
Reduced stress and anxiety. Mindfulness can help to reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol and increase activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for cognitive control and emotional regulation.
Improved focus and concentration. Mindfulness can help to train the mind to focus on the present moment and to be less distracted by thoughts about the past or future. This can lead to improvements in focus and concentration in both work and personal life.
Increased self-awareness. Mindfulness can help people to become more aware of their thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. This can lead to a better understanding of oneself and one's needs.
Improved mood and well-being. Mindfulness can help to reduce negative emotions such as anger, sadness, and anxiety, and to increase positive emotions such as happiness, joy, and gratitude.
Reduced chronic pain. Mindfulness has been shown to be effective in reducing chronic pain, such as back pain, headache, and arthritis pain.
Improved sleep quality. Mindfulness can help to improve sleep quality by reducing stress and anxiety, and by promoting relaxation.
Enhanced immune function. Mindfulness has been shown to boost the immune system and to make people less susceptible to illness.
Additionally, mindfulness can also be helpful for specific medical conditions such as depression, eating disorders, and substance abuse.
Psychology Professor, Dr. Ellen Langer, on the podcast How to Build a Happy Life outlines some preliminary practices for living in the present moment and why this is uniquely challenging for this generation:
Here are some tips for starting a daily mindfulness practice:
Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed.
Sit in a comfortable position, either on the floor or in a chair.
Close your eyes and focus on your breath. Notice the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe in and out.
When your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath.
Start with a few minutes of mindfulness each day and gradually increase the amount of time you practice as you become more comfortable.
There are many different ways to practice mindfulness. You can find guided meditations online or in apps, or you can simply focus on your breath and on the present moment on your own.
If you are new to mindfulness, it is important to be patient and consistent with your practice. It may take some time to see the benefits, but with regular practice, mindfulness can have a cumulatively positive impact on your life.
Happy meditating!
- Kaitlyn McAdams, School Social Worker
