Pursuing an Authentic Social Network

Welcome back to a new school year! Although it has been shared many times before, it needs to be repeated that we live in uncertain times. A year ago, returning back to in-person learning was a tricky process that came with a mixture of feelings. It was also a time of readjustment with an increase of social demands and work expectations amid reentry with in-person learning. It became evident that being focused on conversations was more challenging while also attending to tasks that used to be a breeze. Whether navigating the effects and aftermath of the COVID-19 viral flare with ever-evolving strands, the war in Ukraine, or observing the reshuffling of supply chains and capital structures in the land - the past few years have given witness to unprecedented disruptions and persistent turmoil with little sign of letting up soon. 

Challenges continue to multiply and many organizations and educational consultancies are finding it altogether difficult to plan for what lies ahead. Uncertainty can be spelled as risk; yet, even during uncertain times, we can experience opportunities. 

These are ways to expand and progress beyond boundaries that are typically unexpected. When uncertainty is handled correctly, it invites growth and development. 

These keywords are “handled correctly” as changes require a new mindset and alternative perspective. 

Build social capital.

America’s students are lonelier and more isolated than they have ever been. Recent research studies have confirmed it, and you can read about them here. In fact, a Cigna study asked over 20,000 Americans about loneliness and social isolation. The results have been published and action steps are now being taken federally and at the state levels to address this broad-based and burgeoning epidemic.

For many, loneliness and social isolation are not just subjective feelings, but they are seen as more of a long-standing chronic illness or enduring pain that impacts well-being and daily life functioning. Over 50 percent of the general American public experiences feelings of disconnection and being left out sometimes or always.

Whether lacking close friends, not experiencing meaning in their relationships or simply feeling isolated from others, the loneliness epidemic has already created a ripple effect. Documented health studies have monitored the correlation of loneliness with a higher risk for coronary heart disease, stroke and a negative influence on genetic heritage and the immune system. Social connections and feelings of connection are also cited as useful data for determining the quality of life and overall health of the individual according to the Health and Medicine Division of the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine in 2014.

Current social capital theory says that social networks have value. Typically, as physical capital refers to the value of physical objects and human capital on the qualities of individual lives, social capital refers to the value of social connections among individual social networks. 

Researchers now agree that strong, healthy and socially enjoyable relationships are important throughout a lifetime. Studies from the National Institute of Health have found that having a variety of social relationships can help to reduce stress and heart-related risks. Strong social ties are linked to having a longer life. Conversely, social isolation and loneliness are linked to poorer health, depression, and an increased risk of other health ailments.

Countless academic hours have been devoted to what many inherently know to be true: healthy relationships with friends and family are good for them. But that knowledge will not change the fact that many feel intensely lonely and isolated nearly every day. So how can we build more social capital to maintain healthy relationships and have positive interactions within those relationships?

In today’s modernity, building a social network is a necessity for more broader and deeper opportunities, greater capacity to innovate, personal development, and true emotional satisfaction. Building and nurturing relationships also proves true with increased productivity and job contentment. 

Focus on growth. 

Psychologists have noted that most people have a dominant “motivational focus” between promotion or prevention. Those with a promotion mindset focus upon how relationships can bring them growth, advancement, and accomplishments whereas those with a prevention mindset typically focus on relationships as an obligation in their respective settings. Documented studies in both the U.S. and Italy noted that college students and young working adults that were promotion-oriented in mindset had maintained curiosity, excitement, and openness to new possibilities when making new connections and expanding their social network. Those with a prevention mindset had felt inauthentic while pursuing relationships, did not value their social networks, and ultimately underperformed while on the job. Even Stanford University’s Social Psychologist, Carol Dweck, and her research indicates that people can still transition to a promotion mindset and see their social network as opportunities for growth and self-discovery rather than a mere chore. 

Everyone can choose what mindset they bring to their day. Concentrate on how building your social network and increasing social capital can foster knowledge and skills that are needed for a success profile.  

Prepare your nervous system. 

Just before an interaction with a peer or adult occurs, pause for a moment. Tilt your chin downward, and feel as if your head is suspended from above. This causes a feeling that your neck is gently longer. Relax your shoulders down. Feel your belly with the in-breath, and then relax back down with the out-breath. Tune in and be attentive to your environment. These same steps, repeated as many times as needed, can help your nervous system calm down while becoming centered and focused within the present moment. Cultivating this approach will help you enter into a state of relaxed awareness and maximize attention while reducing anxieties and tensions when called to engage others.  

Target common interests. 

Consider how your personal interests and goals at the start of a new school year align with those that you newly meet. Mountains of research from social psychology have indicated that people form long-lasting and enduring collaborative connections in their social network when they have to make mutual contributions while working on assignments together. It has been known that “task interdependence” brings people into solidarity while energizing their bonds in relationships with each other. When there is common ground amid shared interests, relationships can have qualities of authenticity and meaning that lead to personal fulfillment. 

Understand what you can give. 

By thinking beyond the obvious, you can find a niche that will be of meaningful contribution even if you do not share a common interest. People who feel powerless, belong to a minority pocket within their organization, and ultimately feel inferior are less likely to make meaningful contributions and will not as likely engage in social networking. When you realize you have much to offer to others as wise counsel, mentorship, access, and resources - this insight makes social networking feel more easier and less selfish. Consider what you can give to others more than what you can get from them. Building a social network can feel as if you are less self-promotional while more selfless - traits that will have tremendous value with networking as a valuable part of student life. The fear of judgment will naturally wear off when you know you can make valuable contributions while you speak and assert yourself more confidently. 

Vulnerability and a confident inner voice are needed to pursue an authentic social network; vulnerability fosters a foundation for trust, nurtures change, and allows for individuals the comfort to show up more authentically. 

Write out your personal social philosophy. 

Are there any patterns linked with thoughts, words, actions, and ideas that are mission critical for your own social networking pursuits? Write down what core values are important to you in relationships and how they are impactful to you, influence your goals, and in what ways you can practice them throughout this school year. You will become more true to your authentic self as you go through various seasons and your character evolves alongside core values within life’s journey. Come up with a short personal social philosophy or a motto that feels undeniably true for you. One example from a student cites, “I am not for everyone, and not everyone is for me. I choose to live a life of integrity.” 

Practice deep listening. 

It might be tempting to act in ways and say things to make a good impression on others, but this all camouflages your authentic self. Practice listening instead of reacting as part of the skill set of building your social network. Pause, listen, and reflect. Listening deeply allows you to declutter your thought process, become present, listen actively, and reflect on what is being discussed while making an honest contribution. As you are listening, check in with yourself and note your own emotions and physical sensations periodically. Process the other person’s words with an open mind, read in between the lines, appreciate the body language, and appreciate their cadence of speech and gain a broader understanding of their words. Listening well can be an immense challenge in this age of constant digital distractions. Gain clarity and hear what others are actually saying to you in this new season. 

When you bring your whole self into your relationships, you will have opportunities to thrive and flourish at the start of a new school year. 

Seek to begin again. 

Even small improvements in these skills can create a positive impact in your relationships. Feeling heard and met by you can also inspire others to be more open and responsive to you. Welcome back to a fresh start of new possibilities alongside opportunities in relationships!