Maneuvering Through Change
Have you ever wondered why change can be so hard? Just hearing the word “change” can trigger feelings of fear, uneasiness, frustration. Our experiences are externally or internally focused; they either follow a linear pattern, regulated by chronological time, space, and the social structure, or transcend ordinary time and emerge from the depths of our psyches and our own internal strivings. They may be subtle and gradual, easy and welcomed, or difficult and demanding. We may meet change with acceptance and grace, or with protest and resistance.
Whether your favorite lunch item has been taken off the menu or you’re moving to a different school/job or even ending a relationship, change can be very difficult to accept. This is especially true in children. Children thrive on consistency and predictability. Research has shown that a lack of consistency and predictability can lead to behavior issues, anxiety, and poor attachment. Change is a constant in life. American speaker and author John C. Maxwell reflects that, “Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.”
We have been given a choice in how we respond to life change. The personal significance of each change occurs when we decide to make change. This means we move from the passive state of just watching how things unfold to taking some action that enables us to utilize the change to create an outcome of our own choice. Shifting our focus from what happens (the events themselves) to what we do with what happens is another way to describe transition. Ultimately, the way we make change is our personal choice and responsibility.
According to a study from the University of Chicago, 1 in 3 people adapt to change more successfully than others. Rather than trying to make sense of what they have done to deserve an experience, these people are able to identify what they can do now that change has occurred. What happens for most people, however, is that they struggle when change occurs, particularly when it happens dramatically or too often.
Is it possible to learn to accept change, but also use it as an opportunity for growth?
According to Dr. John C. Norcross, author of Changeology, accepting or creating change isn’t all about willpower. In fact, studies show repeatedly that the people who over-rely on willpower to the exclusion of everything else actually fail at a much higher rate. Here is an additional viewpoint from entrepreneur and author Simon Sinek:
“Optimism….it plays tricks on us that are problematic because we don't in general persevere as much as we think we will. We do tend to be present-biased. We dramatically outweigh whatever value we'll get from something instantaneously rather than the long-term value.”
- Dr. Katy Milkman, Cognitive Scientist
If optimism and willpower aren’t sufficient for enduring change, then, what is? It turns out that an emphasis on skills, not innate capacity, is necessary. Behavioral health research has identified several ways in which we can build our change-response toolkit:
Practice new alternatives: Build up your knowledge base and use that to guide what new alternatives you want to adopt. And start small. Want to try meditation? Start with one minute a day and then see if you can increase it to two minutes the next week.
Rearrange your environment: Change won’t last if you’re in an environment that doesn’t support it. If you’re trying to stick to a budget, avoid malls or online shopping sites. If you want to eat healthier, don’t keep certain food temptations in the house.
Build up your support community: They say misery loves company, so make sure to surround yourself with people who can encourage you and avoid people/places/things that hurt.
Anticipate roadblocks: Setbacks happen, but a slip doesn’t need to become a fall. “Progress, not perfection” is a good mantra to practice.
Plan rewards: Successful resolvers use more reward strategies than people who have failed. Identify what motivates you and then make a plan- for example, if you make it to the gym that week, treat yourself with a new workout outfit.
Stay practical: Some changes require an immediate response to remedy a situation. Yet, in most instances, there’s simply no rush to the finish line. Go about your life in a way that focuses attention on maintaining balance. Stay present, firmly rooted in the here and now. In other words, create a structure that provides stability and support while you’re in the process of transitioning.
Have a purpose. No matter how many major changes and transitions you experience in your lifetime, having an organizing guiding principle (i.e. your core values) that is vital to you and gives meaning to your life is essential. Purpose is also supported by keeping an open mind and being curious about the possibilities that change promises. In addition, being flexible and staying motivated will buoy your resiliency and help you persevere.
The next time you encounter a change, you’ll be faced with two outcomes:
-This is the end of the world. I don’t know what to do.
-What’s done is done. How can I make the best of it?
How will you choose to move forward? Change is certain. Yet, there are those who resist change, stubbornly hanging on to life as they want it to be rather than as it really is. For some, change is daunting, even frightening, while others boldly embrace it, welcoming whatever change brings. It’s safe to say that individuals’ make-up, temperaments, and attitudes about life contribute to how they maneuver through change.
- Lisa Tyler, School Psychologist
