Developing Courage
Courage, contrary to popular belief, isn’t the absence of fear but rather the ability to act despite it. This notion seems lost in our culture, which often glorifies fearlessness, as evidenced by the countless books titled ‘Fearless’ available online. If you’re prone to fear, you might mistakenly assume you’re lacking courage. However, research by Cynthia Pury and Charles Starkeyon Carnegie Medal recipients found that even the most heroic acts are often accompanied by fear. Similarly, psychologist Avril Thorne discovered that audiences prefer stories of bravery and compassion over those that dwell on fear and sadness. Yet, we all experience fear, and we know how debilitating it can be. Recognizing that courage lies in facing our fears and taking action is a crucial step toward understanding and embracing our own nobility.
Courage is a skill, like a muscle, that can be strengthened through practice.
Few of us are born fearless, so it’s unrealistic to expect to become courageous without intentional effort. As Brené Brown eloquently states in The Gifts of Imperfection, “Courage is…a habit, a virtue: You get it by courageous acts. It’s like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn courage by couraging.”
Develop the habit of expressing your genuine opinions, even on minor matters. Practice speaking your mind politely but firmly. Pay attention to the moments when you do something that scares you, despite your body’s protests. You’ll soon realize that you do this more often than you think. This is especially true for shy individuals who must frequently confront their fears in everyday life. As Charles Darwin observed, ‘A shy man no doubt dreads the notice of strangers, but can hardly be said to be afraid of them. He may be as bold as a hero in battle, and yet have no self-confidence about trifles in the presence of strangers.’
When standing up for something or someone, focus on the cause or individual you’re advocating for. It’s often easier to be courageous for others than for yourself. A prime example is John Burford, a Princeton graduate who exposed the dangerous hazing practices of his fraternity in a letter to the school newspaper. This was a courageous act, especially considering the social repercussions. Burford explained his decision by stating, “Ultimately, what I wasn’t OK with was the possibility of being remembered…as ‘that guy who knew what fraternities at Princeton did, and could have spoken up, and then somebody died because of his own cowardice.”
Find strength in numbers. It’s significantly easier to act courageously when you have someone else by your side who shares your beliefs. Dissent can be daunting when you’re alone. While you may occasionally need to go it alone, it’s often unnecessary. Learn to focus on positive feedback and minimize negative reactions. Many of us have a ‘negativity bias’ that leads us to prioritize disapproval over positive reinforcement. Be mindful of this tendency and intentionally direct your attention toward positive stimuli.
Seek inspiration from quietly courageous individuals.
Believe in the power of role models to guide us toward our goals. When you’re pushing your limits, it’s natural to doubt your capabilities. A role model serves as a constant reminder that it’s possible. Channel their example until it feels natural to embody your own authentic self. If you can’t think of a specific role model, consider Miep Gies, the ordinary woman who sheltered Anne Frank for two years. Gies humbly stated, ‘I don’t want to be considered a hero. Imagine if young people grew up with the feeling that you have to be a hero to do your human duty. I am afraid nobody would ever help other people, because who is a hero? I was not. I was just an ordinary housewife and secretary.’ It was precisely Gies’ ordinariness that made her courage so remarkable and attainable for us all.
Courage is a universally admired trait, a hallmark of good character that earns respect. From biblical narratives to fairy tales, ancient myths to Hollywood blockbusters, our culture is brimming with tales of bravery and self-sacrifice. From the Cowardly Lion’s transformation in The Wizard of Oz to David’s victory over Goliath and the heroic quests of Star Wars and Harry Potter, children are nurtured on a diet of inspirational stories.
However, courage isn’t solely about physical bravery. History books chronicle the social activists, like Martin Luther King Jr. and Nelson Mandela, who risked their lives to fight for justice. Entrepreneurs such as Steve Jobs and Walt Disney exemplify the rewards and recognition that courage can bring, as they took financial risks to pursue their dreams and innovate.
Courage comes in various forms, encompassing physical strength and endurance, as well as mental stamina and innovation.
For this exercise, you’ll need a notebook and pen, along with a quiet, undisturbed space for reflection. Starting with the first definition of courage—’feeling afraid yet choosing to act’—answer the following questions:
Recall a more recent situation where you felt fear but chose to act.
What were your thoughts, feelings, and observations at the time? (e.g., “I saw the rollercoaster and felt butterflies in my stomach”)
How did you or others support you in facing your fear? (e.g., “I told myself that if little kids could go on it, so could I”)
When did your fear start to subside? How did you feel afterward?
Reflect on a childhood experience where you faced fear.
How was it similar or different to the current older/adult situation?
Identify a current fear or anxiety
What are you most afraid of? (e.g., being ridiculed if I ask for an extension).
How can you apply the skills from the previous situations to be more courageous now? Remember your past successes.
What mental or environmental obstacles are preventing you from using these skills? How can you overcome them?
Repeat this exercise throughout the week, using each definition of courage provided.
